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In Memory Of Leviathan Jay Chamblee

His Story
Yesterday was feeling cramps that later in the evening around 4:30 started to react like contractions. I was right. So I told Jay that we had to go because they were starting to really hurt, I feared I was having a miscarriage or I was further along than we had thought and this might be it, but I didn't think so, I was sure it was a miscarriage. We went to the hospital the moment Jay got home last night and we got there about 6:20pm. I was already contracting really strong. They were a minute apart, and a minute long. When I got thru the doors the lady at the desk almost had me fill out the whole registration paper but I told her, "Look, I am pregnant and I believe I'm having a miscarriage, please help me now I cant wait to be seen. I told her what she needed to know and they sat me in the wheelchair. They took me in the back to be asked a few questions to set up my ID bracelet and my water broke and I bled everywhere on the ladies office floor, sorry lady.. Soon after she got me taken care of for my ID bracelet, they rushed me upstairs and I had the baby in the elevator while in a wheelchair, the rest came out down the hall leaving a trail on the floors while still heading to the room. We probably devastated the kids in the hall with the family we passed trying to get to the room. The nurse warned them about the trail of blood so the kids didn't touch it or step in it. When we finally reached the room they had to strip my clothes off me while I was still in the wheelchair. I was right. I had a miscarriage and it was a boy, at 22 weeks and he'd been dead for a while, the cord was wrapped around his neck, that's what killed him. Last I felt any kicks was a couple days after July 4th when our friends Zandrea and Tuck came to visit with their kids. I didn't think I'd get emotional about it 'til they brought him in the room. We got to see what he looked like and they wrapped him in a blanket and with this cute tiny little white hat they made for him. I believed myself to be ok about it at first, but once the nurses left the room and I got to look at him, hold him, see how small and swollen he looked with his cute tiny little hands and long feet, that's when I broke down hard and couldn't stop crying. The kids got to see him and give him a kiss on the head, and tell him who they are to him and tell him they love him and that everything's gunna be ok. I broke down over that too. They didn't understand what was going on really but all they knew, was mommy just had a baby. They just don't understand he was born dead. The hospital made me a memory box for him to take home and they took pictures of him for me. We took more than what they grabbed. Everyone is worried about me, suddenly I've been more cuddly then ever and been telling Jay a million and a half times I love him and I sat with him in his sister's single chair at her house, which isn't something I've ever done. Like really... ever.. So this had taken a toll on me pretty hard. Reason why I was being this way is because I felt the need to get the words out for Leviathan since we won't have him in our life to watch grow up and be able to say those things to him every day. I wanted to catch up with it since I knew I wouldn't be able to. The doctors don't think I'll be up to dealing with my kids today, which they were right, I'm not.. We didn't get out the hospital 'til after 2am this morning. I want to say I'm ok but I know deep down I'm not. When we got home I sat at the table and opened the memory box. I cried at what was inside. They printed his hands and feet on two cards, they put a safety pinned diaper inside, a pillow heart, a small white hat with a fluffy ball at the tip, a blanket, 2 pictures of him, an apology card for our loss, an ankle name tag, and his name and the date and time of what happened, his weight and how long he was on it. The last thing was a card that told what the memory box was created for. They tied it with purple ribbon, since its a purple box. Jay looked at the stuff with me and when I closed it and tied it back, I cried as Jay kissed the box. I'm still wearing my bracelets, once I'm able to surely take them off, I plan to put them in the box too. I woke up now feeling like it was just a dream but I know it wasn't. I don't want to be online for a few days.. I don't want to even feel like I exist, I just wanna mope and cry my days away... This has made me feel guilty at why and how I lost him though I know there's nothing I could've done to stop it from happening but that's what this kind of thing does to you I guess.. It's the emotional roller coaster and I'm on the ride... Farewell to my sweet little angel Leviathan Jay Chamblee, God has you now and we will always love you and miss you and wonder what you would've been like and look like. It was hard to let you go.. This isn't goodbye, we will meet again one day, in heaven. Don't you worry your little head.♥ With all our love, your family. ♥Mommy & Your brothers ♥Jayden and ♥Raymond and your sister ♥Kylee. We will never forget you!

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Mommys First Letter To You
Dear Leviathan, my little Levi,
This is mommy's first post on your page. Isn't it sweet that daddy made this for us, for you? I want to say how much I miss you and how it hasn't been a week yet since we've lost you. It was Monday the 3rd that I had you, and today is Saturday, the 8th. I look at your face every day and I pray to God that I'll someday see you again. I love you very much my precious little angel. I am sorry you didn't get to live, but trust me, you're better off with God and in His love and care. Heaven is a much better place than this Earth. The way life is here isn't something you'd want to experience, at least not this day in age, maybe a better time in age years from now will be better. You will eventually have another life you'll get to experience how things are here, but sadly it won't be with us. But we will be waiting to see your smile, to have that chance to hug you tight and kiss your cheek again and see the beauty in you than what you already are to us. This was made for you so we can have the chance to say things to you like this. I pray this message gets to you in Heaven and God lets you read it so you know we won't ever forget you. To remind you every day we get, that we love you and miss you very much with all our hearts. You were only 22 weeks, 12 oz in weight and 10 inches long. Born on 8/3/15 at 6:45pm, but you were not alive, and according to doctors apparently you weren't for some time. I miss feeling your tiny kicks. I so wanted stronger ones so others could feel you better. Do you remember kicking Aunty Zandrea's hand on July 4th? A couple days after is when I stopped feeling your movements and kicks. I can't tell you how hard it was for us to give you back to the nurses at the hospital. We still wanted to take you home with us. They gave us a memory box to open and look back and help us be ok about the loss of you, but truthfully, we won't ever be, especially me. I'm the heavily emotional one in the family, though I know your siblings miss you just as much. We love you very much and its hard to imagine this life without you though we don't have any other choice. But don't worry your little head ok? We love you, we miss you, but we know you're in a better place than here. God has you and He will take the best care of you always. Trust in Him, have complete Faith in Him. He will not let you down. I promise. He loves you very much too. You should hear His story, its incredible the amount of love He has for all of us. None can ever compare to His love. Just whenever you are afraid, take His hand and hold it tight...He will protect you with His life. He would never let anything bad ever happen to you. That's not just a promise my love, that is His guarantee. As long as you stay in his faith and follow in His word. Mommy wants you to always follow His commandments, we down here don't do that so well as you can. Be a good boy for mommy ok? I love you so so much, sorry that I'm in tears. Don't worry if you're looking down on mommy and you see me crying over you, I just miss my baby. As for your brothers and sister, you may look down at them and wonder why they seem so crazy and hyper all the time being full of energy and silliness. That's just our family dear. Enjoy having a laugh with us and smile a bunch of times. Help mommy watch over them as they get older ok? Let's work together to keep them safe always too. They may not remember you the ways I will, but don't worry, I won't let them forget about you once they understand about it. I will make sure they remember you and have them do this for you too. But alright sweetie, its time mommy goes and lays down to rest. We shall meet again someday, and then we will all be together again like family should be. Take care my little one. Be safe, be good and be full of happiness and love.
- Love Mommy

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